In and out of waves.

Some people write just to write. Some people write to heal. Some people spend their whole lives holding in words they never say. Some people will appreciate the rawness that I let out, some people will not. And as a writer you have to be okay with that. Also, as a relatively good human being you also need to acknowledge the positivity and good of people and situations. So there will be days of truth, and where things don't look so pretty. And then there will be days where my perspective changes and I try to take the good that was given through my relationship or mistakes or lessons. Its okay to go in and out of waves, it's normal and healthy. (Says the therapist).

So, if you are walking the same trails as I.... Kind of choose to to change your perspective about the relationship when it happens. Some days this might not be possible. And that's okay. But changing your perspective---That's how we heal emotional wounds. It's our neosporin for our wounds.  The waves of truth, and then a different positive perspective. Say instead "I had this great relationship and choose to remember the good things not the bad and say I had this great part of my life but I need to slowly move on because I learned these great lessons for my next person".  If we dwell in these wounds and dwell in the wish that things would be different with them but our path of life is calling for growth in these moments, then we never truly grow. In these moments instead of staying in the hurt change to "what is life trying to show me about this relationship so I can be the best version of myself for me and for the next person"? What we need to learn from this is I'm choosing to believe even though she did hurtful things she had great aspects of her. While I won't ever put an ex down, I will tell truths and call out lessons that I have been taught and I am grateful for that. For learning from every person that has come into my life.  The main overlying message is that " she was my person for the time she was with me".   She did wonderful thoughtful things. She gave me time and attention. She gave me laughter and exploring and dreams. But what she taught me is that my person and the person meant for me will always choose me no matter what, on the good or bad days. Even when you love the person but don't necessarily like them in the moment. My person will choose me.  She will stay. She will communicate. She will follow through on promises. And she in her path could not do that even though me (and my lifeworld) at times wish she could have because we had plans together. But my person will be fully ready for a true commitment of loving me through the good times and even the times they are rattled. Because we can work on ourselves at the same time we are in a relationship...she just can't be that person. So even though it's hard at times to open my heart, I get closer a little more each day to knowing real love. The kind that is strong and communicates and means what it says. The kind that respects you. The kind that is never conditional. And it will be a love I never imagined and in that time my heart will naturally heal itself.  No new thing, or person can do that. Or can make me forget. Or can help me grow. I must choose to not avoid and learn and grow, and even sometimes feel blessed for having loved her so fiercely.