Garden heart.

Today we til the garden!  A neighbor is bringing over his tractor to til it for me.  I think about this garden a lot. 

I think about the attention it needs, and also the space. It needs water. It needs sun. But It also needs time to grow and every year it needs turned.  In order for it to become its best self it needs both space and love. 

I think we are a lot like that too. As humans.  We crave love and attention, but we also crave independence to be our own selves. There is a healthy balance to both of those attachment styles (anxious and avoidance).  Research shows that avoiders and anxious people are often attracted to each other, but they exacerbate the traits of the other and get into an endless cycle of the anxious person trying to get closer while the avoider pulls away.

That’s not to say they can’t be happy, but they both need to work at it. We both are complex people. If you are anxious, stop flying off the handle. Give yourself time before you make irrational thoughts of why they haven't called you back yet or are late coming home. If you’re an avoider, you need to practice relying on people, giving them a chance instead of finding fault and pulling away. Stop idealising past partners or waiting for The One. Allow yourself to get close. By being there for your partner, they won’t be so needy and you’ll get more independence (Rodane, 2013). It's a win---When you take the time to recognize each others styles. Like hands, and a voice, everyone's got one----there is no avoiding it. The more you are aware, the healthier your relationship can become.   So understand what you need. Understand what your relationship needs. Plant seeds. Water them daily. Give them time to grow. Get aligned. Turn your dirt. And....watch time create bountiful flowers, crops fine for eating, and a beautiful view. 

Plant. Nourish. Grow.....