Thats not how our song goes.

Andrea Gibson says

"The winter I told you I think icicles are magic,

you stole an enormous icicle from a neighbors shingle

and gave it to me as a gift

I kept it in my freezer for seven months

until the day I hurt my foot

and needed something to reduce the swelling

Love isn't always magic

sometimes it's just melting

or it's black and blue

where it hurts the most."

Shes right. Love isn't always magic. It isn't always on time. Or easy.  Love is ugly crying. And falling down many times. It's misfires. And I told you so's. And you aren't hearing mes. It's no time for self care. It's giving up some things we love. It is backs pressed against each other in the night. Silent car rides. It is therapist visits. Awkward silence. Strangers passing through hallways. It doesn't always look like those wedding highlight reels. Like walks by the lake. Like diamond rings. Like romance or effortless hair wisps. Like the Notebook. It's not grand gestures, candles and roses, or carefree dispositions. It's ugly. It is messy. And sometimes, not cute hair bun messy.

But love IS too. There are so many things love is. Like pink cotton candy skies. Singing in the car. Knowing exactly how she takes her coffee. Like being proud to call her yours. Like sweet voices when you are sick. Like shareable popcorn at the movies. Like bad day hugs. Like finding a tree together growing through a rock. Like cards in hidden places.  Like a whole gallon of ice cream where you fight over finding the chunks. Love is humble and kind. And it shows up when you need it the most, in the smallest ways. Love just is. 

And I've been thinking a lot about what love is recently. In fact I ran across this Huffington Post article the other day: I Didn’t Love My Wife When We Got Married. The writer is an orthodox Jew, but no, that doesn’t mean that he is writing about being pushed into an arranged marriage or anything similar. Rather, he writes about the difference between the intense emotions he felt when he got married and the deeper, truer love he feels for his wife when they serve each other throughout the years...when they balance it all out. The more I thought about it the more I realized how growing latitudes together can create a love far greater then that romanticized wedding day feeling. When we grow into a deeper love, it's hard to ever fall out of love. Because you've both finally got it. That balance. That exploration of each other. That deeper understanding.

And love. Oh love. It doesn't always come as soon as it’s called. Or wake up every morning at  the exact same, dedicated and patient.  But eventually you figure it out.  You come back to each other. 

The truth is this very thing right here:

The act of love is easy,” It is simple to see a person, to feel strongly for them, to want to be by their side, to want to give them everything. “It’s loving that’s hard. 

If you aren't ready for the loving, you aren't ready for love.  There is no room at the table for just love.  To love is to know loving.