Warm Coffee.

Life isn't always warm coffee. And movie blankets. And fall days. Or pumpkin spice lattes. Sometimes it's winter. Sometimes your bones refuse to move because you can't manage to fight off another bad day.  Somedays the sun seems like an old lost friend. A daydream that stole my pen.  

I am forging ahead. Like I am supposed to do. Focusing on myself. Not filling space with Replacements, and it seems life keeps punching me in the face. 

Last week I had a doctors apt in which the doctor made me get an immediate ultrasound and mammogram. They couldn't tell me details. They said I have an abnormal mass in my right breast and under area. So while I celebrated my sisters marriage I tried to forget about the impending results. But nonetheless, a person with anxiety never forgets a worry. Much like a singer always remembers her voice.   Monday came and I was told the scans were still inconclusive (or they didn't want to tell me) but that they had set me up with a doctor for next week. A breast cancer doctor. 

Now im not one for praying much, but I'm gonna bow my head to the whatever the fuck is feeding my life's energy right now and ask it for a damn hall pass. I think I'm good on the bad days for this year. I think I've reached my quota.  

So anyways. As someone with anxiety I am working really hard today (and will be until next week) to manage my thoughts and keep them at bay. Even though they appear to be a Long lost relative of Irma. 

Life will throw you these moments. They will make you remember what it feels like to love yourself and all the small things that go right everyday.  The small things that sometimes we can't even see.