How not to be a...Liar Liar Pants on Fire

A conversation from today with a Therapist:

It's so easy to tell one side of a story. To search for pity, or validation that what we did or how we are acting is right or justified. And we do this in any way that we know how. We tend to bend the truth to benefit ourselves. We highlight exactly what wronged us----"she hung up on me" before we say "but I was screaming at her".  This is where the need to be transparent comes in. To own up to our behaviors and Our part.  Chances are, you are not always going to be right. You are going to act immature. You are going to hurt people. You are going to react in ways that you shouldn't have. You are going to say mean things during fits of frustration. You are human, and capable of many errors.  And acknowledging your behaviors and owning them takes you much further in your growth (if you want to grow)  then ignoring them.  But what happens when you avoid those behaviors? What happens when you tell a different story for validation or pity?  How can you grow? How can you take ownership?

I can say honestly that in my past I have been guilty of such. I have asked friends not to talk to ex lovers, or to throw shade at friends that have wronged me. But over the past five years I have grown into a space of authenticity, accountability, and awareness. I tell all. When I share a situation, whether with my therapist or a friend I am leaning on, I tell it all. I admit my wrongdoing, what I could have done better, or why I might have reacted the way I did. I share the words that I said, the words that were said back. I share the promises I made, how I have failed them or succeeded with them. I share the promises that were given to me but did not make it to the end. I own up to it. I say, I did that...I said that.  I share---The whole picture. The whole story. I do not just offer up Tera's side of the plate. I share the whole meal. Because sharing that...makes me grow. Makes me reach a bit deeper. Makes those same issues not pop back up again in a year, or two.  Its hard, to say out loud..."I am not my best self. I messed up. I am sorry. I could have done better. Or I want to do differently".  It's much easier to blame and walk away, to only share your side. Because then you are never challenged to do better or be better. Any change is hard, especially when our behaviors have become so embedded in us.  So comfortable. 

But the more honest we are...with ourselves...with our network, with our therapists...the more we actually grow.  Anyone can tell a story to make them look like a Princess, and their contribution was just a pea....but where does that take you?  Do you want to grow longitudes? Do you want to loosen the belt loops on your mind and be more emotionally intelligent?   Try telling the other persons side of the story first, before you tell yours. Avoid using BUT when you are telling others the story. Try highlighting the good before the bad. And tell your story to the right people. The people who will help your process...in unbiased ways...who will be honest with you...even when your story might say.... "I messed up".  IT's okay to be imperfect, its not okay to be a liar.