No Good Will Hunting Here.
It feels good to talk. To make sense of my minds circles. But it's also hard.
Remember that great scene in “Good Will Hunting” where Robin Williams’ character hugs Will and tells him “It’s not your fault” until he breaks down and cries for the first time? After that, Will turns his life around and seems to instantly overcome his attachment disorder. The movie heavily implies he begins making use of his brilliance, stops bumming around with his friends as much and drives to California to get back together with his girlfriend.
It’s a great movie and that scene made me cry the first time I saw it. But there is no big eureka moment in therapy where you overcome your issues with one big cry. Therapy is more like a series of small breakthroughs. It's skipping puddles not crossing oceans.
I’ve had moments in therapy where I came to a huge realization and experienced a catharsis, but I didn’t immediately change my behavior and beliefs to the point where it wasn’t an issue anymore. I had to work on it outside of therapy and revisit the issue in my next session, something Will doesn’t do.
The one thing I just started realizing is..............
Therapy Does Not ‘Fix’ You Because You Are Not Broken
This is one of the areas where therapy and medical treatment vastly differ. With medical treatment, the best outcome is a cure where you eradicate the illness and ensure it doesn’t return. In therapy, this isn’t possible because mental illnesses, negative beliefs and maladaptive behaviors are not diseases. There is no cough drop. No seasonal anxiety shot to fend off the worries this winter.
Therapy helps people uncover strengths and learn new skills that will allow them to deal with the challenges that arise in life. A successful therapy experience does not mean a client is cured, it means the person has the inner and outer resources to deal with the ups and downs of life. This is how I feel about my therapy experience. Therapy has reduced some of the psychosomatic symptoms of my mental illness, but it’s not going to eradicate it. It is mostly a tool for me to better cope with my problems. It can’t fix me because I was never broken. I just had to uncover pieces of me that I did not know existed.
Some other things about therapy you should know: There is not always a comfy couch, and therapist do not tell you what to do. They merely help you process and guide the decisions you already knew were right or wrong in your heart. Some of that means uncovering pieces of you that are scary....some of that means uncovering the mistakes you made...and how to better handle and process them next time. There is no prescription given, no step by step directions for how to bake the best cake of life.
I am growing in so many ways. I feel it and know it. I am uncovering tools and pieces of me I knew I never had. Next valentines day, I hope that I can break up with my therapist. That's the goal. To be so strong in my strengths, processing, wants, and needs that I do not need a second opinion. I can do it. I know I can. We can all grow latitudes.....and become our best selves. Sometimes it just takes a little coaching to win the game of self, and life, and love. But eventually we know the best coach lies within us all.
