Another trip round the sun.
Yesterday I was watching an episode of Boy Meets World. It was a Christmas episode. And of course Corey was out back saying that Shawn didn't understand Christmas. Mr. Feene looks at Corey and says it's Corey that doesn't understand Christmas. He says, "Christmas isn't about the gifts you receive that day. It's about the gifts you have received all year". In most ways, that's how I've always felt about my birthday. It's why I've always preferred gatherings, experiences together, and quality time. Each year I gain a few more gifts throughout the year---a friend, a puppy (hopefully not every year), a new self-awareness, someone who has returned to find me again, a book, and new learning from that book, a visit to a city I've never been, a new trip with family and friends, and a new life-a nephew. Gifts look very differently everyday that I wake up. Sometimes it's something I want to return to the store but can't. I've had plenty of those this year and still struggle with them everyday. But I will minimize their power-even if I fail at it. I try to give less space to them.
In the spirit of "you're a badass" (my book of the year) I want to call attention to the law of attraction--- That you bring into your world what your mind makes space for. I can't say I'm the Best at this (especially with someone with anxiety/depression) but I can say that I've been working on being more mindful of it. Seeing red flags and not rationalizing. Not accepting less then. Trying to be more vulnerable in my work life. Holding on to my boundaries of what I will not allow to cross into my life. I've lost some people in that struggle to keep more positive around me so that my thoughts continue to blossom in more beautiful ways. However, I gained some people too.
It's a struggle everyday to redirect your mind to good things. It's a struggle to rumble with failure. Because success looks very differently to everyone. I think the people who wade into discomfort and vulnerability and tell the truth about their stories are the real badasses in this world. And so I will try to choose courage over comfort. Even if I fail at it. You should too. You never know who might call your "me too" as one of their gifts for the year.
It's true that many of us will spend our entire lives trying to slog through the "shame swampland" to get to a place where we can give ourselves the ultimate permission to both be imperfect and to believe we are enough.
Don't waste another birthday. And in the words of one of my favorite songs this year "I won't be late for this, late for that, late for the love of my life".
