Words have more power than we can ever imagine. As a poet. As a writer. I know this. Words are paint on a canvas, a polaroid on steroids. They hold the power to summarize pictures of a monotonous and boring life and they beautify the simplest of Monday's. They dance across our mind and illuminate long forgotten emotions we thought we could never, ever feel again. They hold hands while skipping within our head, attempting to catch our attention sometimes for a minute, sometimes forever. They make us remember. They make us forget. They make us love. They make us cry.
They’ve always been powerful and it shouldn’t be realized now. In 2017 we have far more knowledge then we ever have about words. These days, we not only see and feel the power of our words, but we realize how quickly they can be shared across social media channels. And, unfortunately, those same channels have shown us the damage that words can do to so many people who struggle with being different, trying to find their way, and just figuring out a way to make sense of the world. And, research (Ny Times, Mental Health Journal, etc.) has shown us that words really do stay with us. We carry them into our future. Like a bad haircut. Like a scar just above the eyebrow. Like those love handles. Some words we can get rid of. Some we can't.
Words. They hold so much power. Paul Revere warned villages the British were coming. Hitler barked commands to exterminate whole populations. Nelson Mandela calmly suggested advice to maintain peace in his country amidst a strong divide. Words have built families/I do, and tore them apart. I don't. Words made Tyler Clemente jump off the George Washington bridge. Words brought Noah and Allie back together, the Notebook love we still all hope for.
Words themselves have no pity for their actions, but we do. What we say can hurt anyone. I know this one for a fact. Although you tell yourself that words don’t hurt, they do. In fact, they hurt most from the people we love the hardest. Our family. Our partners. We spend hours flipping through their hurtful words as if we can figure out why? Why so hurtful? Did they mean it? What did I do to deserve such hate and hurt?
The truth is. You did nothing. I know this. Because I've been there. Twice in the past year where I've been hurled some of the nastiest things by the one person whom I thought and whom promised would never do such things. It's not your fault. You were not too much or not enough. Nothing warranted that hurt. Some people don't know how to control their emotions. Some people don't know how to communicate. Because that's all they have ever known. They avoided. They followed the patterns of others or their family. And when challenged to communicate through a hard time---they lashed out and avoided because they knew no other way. They take out their frustrations on the first thing in their way. They tell you they never loved you. They tell you that you are too much. They tell you they wish to be free from you. That they don't want you. That their words and actions were lies. They tell you that you were a mistake. All words that are in direct opposition of the love that they shared and gave on those not so frustrating days, just a week before. Words that you have adorning your night stand because they were so compassionate and kind. But when they are frustrated---they try to hurt you in the spots where they know you have little protection. Your heart. Chances are. Those same people have said beautiful words to you too. They have said that they are the luckiest person in the world to be beside you. That they want to wake up to you forever. Yet, we hold on to those hurtful words. We hear them first as we scroll past their picture in an old photo album. Because words like that. Stick to us. They stay planted, stuck to ribcages and they haunt us forever.
So think About the next time you want to lash out at someone because you are frustrated or angry in a situation. Anger is a tough thing to understand. You can use anger to convert feelings of vulnerability and helplessness into feelings of control and power. So you lash out to feel in control again. Because you felt like you weren't in control of your progress or steps or life. Or Some people develop an unconscious habit of transforming almost all of their vulnerable feelings into anger so they can avoid having to deal with them. So they avoid and hurt others. It makes them feel better and continue on with their avoidance of what emotions/uncomfortable/vulnerability is really stirring up inside of them during the issue at hand. (Mental Health Net).
So figure out why you are angry. Step back. Think about the next time you want to verbally and intentionally harm someone with your words just because they caught you in a lie. Because they challenged you to be a better you because you told them you really wanted to change those pieces of you. Or because someone respectfully disagreed with you. Or Because someone made you feel uncomfortable by speaking up about their feelings or hurt. Think about if those calm and respectful conversations that challenge you to grow, or be vulnerable, or be a better you... warrant such anger and hate.
It's true. Anger temporarily protects people from having to recognize and deal with their painful real feelings; you get to worry about getting back at the people you're angry with instead. Making yourself angry can help you to hide the reality that you find a situation frightening or that you feel vulnerable (Mental Health Net). So recognize why you feel angry. Step away. Talk about it later in healthy ways. Remember when you get angry...you aren't just blowing off steam, dear. You aren't gaining control. You aren't winning. In the end. You are losing. You are kicking down the doors that your lover has held open for you kindly. You are hurting your future. Your chance at a healthy relationship. You are hurting the people that love you the hardest. And they are carrying your words like a 20 pound necklace with no diamonds in it. Like a book bag full of bricks. Choose wisely. We, the others, never deserved this.
Sticks and stones may break my bones,But words can also hurt me.Sticks and stones break only skin,While words are ghosts that haunt me.
